kawatteiru kisetsu (Changing seasons)
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: A young Jiraiya feels that his connection with childhood friends is waning… (Note: Shounen-ai)


**fandom - Naruto  
title - kawatteiru kisetsu.  
rating - pg  
pairing - orochimaru + jiraiya  
description – A young Jiraiya feels that his connection with childhood friends is waning… (Note: Shounen-ai)**

**Disclaimer – Naruto isn't mine.**

**kawatteiru kisetsu. (Changing seasons.)  
By miyamoto yui**

"Ah, even after a mission, you're still so beautiful. Let me help you with that leaf…"

SLAP!

"Ow!" the white-haired twenty-something-ish boy shouted in pain while shaking his hand back and forth. He looked at the wonderfully busty blond that ran her fingers through her hair and continued to walk down the tree-lined path towards their home village.  
"Let me help you with that leaf, he says," she mumbled to herself in an annoyed whisper as she pulled out the leaf that had fallen onto her chest. "Even after a mission, you're STILL energetic enough to do _that_, Jiraiya?!"  
The perverted boy grinned happily while lifting up his hand as a badge of honor for her to see. In an almost serious tone, he answered in a matter-of-fact voice, "What's most important in life is to 'try'."  
He folded his arms and nodded to himself while chuckling. "Don't you think so, Tsunade?"  
In response, she stopped walking so that he'd catch up and stand beside her. Smiling with a vein almost popping, she whapped the backside of his head. "Baka, you never learn."  
Then, she walked ahead leaving the two boys behind.

The dark, long-haired boy next to Jiraiya blinked at him. He sighed. After all, this was a daily occurrence. It would have been abnormal if _nothing_ happened.  
"You think she'll ever given in, Orochimaru?" Jiraiya sincerely asked while eyeing Tsunade from behind.  
The long-haired one rose an eyebrow. "I wonder indeed."  
Jiraiya turned his head to look at Orochimaru with a 'geh' expression. "You're no help."  
"I wasn't expecting to be."

At that moment, Orichimaru smiled smugly. He leaned forward and caught his cheek with his hand. He slowly blew into Jiraiya's left ear.  
"AACK~! You _know_ I hate it when you do that!" Jiraiya stepped away as he eyed him severely with a pout. "Yech."  
"Isn't this the answer you wanted to your question?"

Orochimaru turned around and walked away with his hands behind him calmly. The splatters of red on his Anbu uniform glistened in the sun as the leaves fell before and after him.

Jiraiya shivered at recalling the incident that happened just an instant ago. And it was more than hearing the response that he didn't want to hear at that moment. It was the fact that he felt that all of them were becoming too familiar with one another…

…almost to the point of repulsion.

More embedded than the designs of the maple hands flying down with gravity and the wind.

**+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+**

There was a festival in the middle of the winter. At having such an abundant harvest, everyone was scrambling to pray at the temple at the beginning of the year.  
It was very pretty indeed with all the lights and bright clothes that made the girls shine brighter than even the stars in the sky. Everyone was laughing and spending time with their loved ones, especially families and lovers.

At this particular time, there was one restaurant that was open all New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. It was two stories high and had a blue sign with white letters that flew in between the small fireworks and smiles of the people.

Unfortunately, it began to sprinkle when it turned midnight. The crowds dwindled, but this single restaurant still had a lot of people in it.  
Then, the more the rain fell, the less people there were.

Finally, the white-haired one pushed the sign that blocked his red face and swayed from side to side groggily. "Women…"  
But, of course, the only person he was thinking of was Tsunade, who had just told him that she was officially dating the man who had stood up for her during the debates on having a medical ninja on the team missions. He recalled the sound of her voice and the happy face that couldn't do anything but laugh at her luck.

He wanted to be mature about this, but he simply couldn't. It made him want to drink all over again.

"Make up your mind if you're leaving or coming," a familiar voice sarcastically said behind the confused, drunk man.

Unfortunately, his feet couldn't follow such ambiguous orders. And his heart was too sludged to even care about his own immaturity.

"Well, if it isn't the pedo. HI Orochimaru," he said with a too cheerful face while stepping to one side.  
Orochimaru flinched. It was true that he had gone for that boy one time and that girl at another, but it was a difference of four years in teenage years. Maybe that was exactly it and Jiraiya wouldn't ever let him live that down.

As he was about to fall over, Orochimaru dropped his bamboo umbrella and caught him before he fell.

"What are you doing here?"  
"Shouldn't I ask you the same thing? I was having a meeting with someone about my studies. That's all."  
Hit point-blank, Jiraiya's head spun more. He'd never expected Orochimaru to give such a frank response. It just wasn't in his nature to be so straightforward. But all he could manage to answer back was a slurred, "Women."  
"Tsunade dumped you again?" the pallid man said with a soft chuckle while leaning a bit to pick up his umbrella.

When they were walking down the street in the pouring rain and Jiraiya didn't say a word, there was definitely something wrong. Usually, he'd have a witty comeback that would disgust him, but told him that his happy-go-lucky demeanor hadn't been tarnished.

Not today though. It made him worry just a little.

Jiraiya could barely keep his eyes open as he leaned more and more on Orochimaru. Orochimaru, frail looking though not in spirit, tried his best to take him home, but failed to because he didn't want to leave him alone.  
Instead, he brought him to his small apartment and threw the umbrella onto floor to dry itself. When he turned on the light to the neat, yet empty, matted room, he sighed while taking off Jiraiya's heavy arm from his neck. He luckily put him on the futon.  
Looking down at this pathetic being, his eyes slightly narrowed in curiosity. The only person who had ever entered here was their sensei.  
No one else dared to get close to him because he was so 'strange'.

Only Tsunade and Jiraiya had gotten close to him, and without any pretenses. It was all whole-hearted that he almost felt bad at the cold way he couldn't express himself towards them no matter how long they'd been together.

As he kneeled next to Jiraiya, he unbuttoned his wet shirt and somehow managed to take it off. He got up and put it on a hook near the window so that it'd dry somehow. Afterwards, he patted his body while sighing more. "You are always a fool. Going after things you know you can't have."  
Blinking sleepily, Jiraiya mumbled in his sleep, "We're the same then. Birds of the same feather and all that crap."  
Orochimaru cleared his throat while putting his hand over his mouth. He was quite amused at his crimson-faced childhood friend. But the traces of innocence that still remained within him made him lean forward to examine Jiraiya's face. He traced it with his fingers.

Jiraiya's words were ringing in his ears.

"When you can't go after what you really want, you become distracted by other things," he whispered to himself while becoming even more fascinated by Jiraiya's face than he already had been for years.

Leaning forward, he pushed his hand over his chest. His hair fell over the sleeping man's body as he brushed his tongue on the ear he always teased. Jiraiya winced, but was still dead asleep.

He now positioned his head on Jiraiya's chest, hearing his racing, alcohol-charged heartbeat.

"How fortunate for this to happen. Before our time grows dim." Orochimaru closed his eyes for a bit. "I'm sometimes glad you're too bright with optimism that you can't figure out other things."  
He laughed to himself.

After a while, he got up and turned off the light to change to one side of the room.

Nonchalantly, as Orochimaru pulled his shirt over his head, Jiraiya opened his eyes to watch him change. He wondered what the long-haired one would do, but Orochimaru sat on one corner of the room with his knees up like a sword-user sleeping on the streets with the moonlight hitting him from the window.

He got up unsteadily to put a blanket over him.

Yes, even though Tsunade was pursuing her dream and Orochimaru was becoming more and more engrossed in his research studies (whatever that was), he couldn't help but feel saddened at their gradual signs of pulling apart by the ways of life.

He went back to the futon, but watched Orochimaru's sleeping figure before his eyes drifted off to sleep.

What did it really mean to dream? He still didn't know even though it was expected of him.  
He was still lost on what to do with himself.

**+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+**

Then, it happened. Their special silver string broke.

In the middle of the night, in the forest while a million people were looking for him, Orochimaru appeared before Jiraiya, who was blocking his way. While bleeding, he looked at his friend and smirked with a mocking laugh. "Sensei let me go, can you believe it?"

Jiraiya's eyes were hard as he looked at Orochimaru. He didn't know what to do as a billion things passed through his head and into his veins. He had to turn him in, but could he really do it? He wanted to let him go because he wanted to know that he was alive.

What was he supposed to choose? What would be true to himself?

"Where had we gone wrong?" was the prominent question that neither of them wanted to speak, but thought deeply inside.

"I'm going to rot here in Konoha!" Orochimaru shouted, almost as if he himself wasn't convinced. "I need to-"  
"Even if it means to hurt everyone, you'll go after your ambition?" Jiraiya questioned as he stepped forward, ready to fight.

Not knowing exactly what for though.  
He needed to buy time…

"You make it sound so uncomplicated when you put it like that, Jiraiya." Orochimaru arrogantly stepped forward. "Each dream will eventually hurt someone somewhere down the line. That's the way things are in the world."

Jiraiya's adamant eyes sharply cut into him. "Then if I fight for mine, you'll be able to stay here?"

The wind blew and Orochimaru was caught off-guard. His eyes opened slightly wider than usual.

What exactly did that mean? Was it what he wanted or was it what was really there? This wasn't part of his calculations. Why was Jiraiya always messing up whatever he anticipated to happen?  
Because that was his strength. It was something he somehow admired about him…

"Are you speaking for your obligations or for yourself, Jiraiya?" Orochimaru was almost swaying while holding his breath for an answer. His jaw was rigid and he tried to keep his composure.

Without replying, Jiraiya launched into an attack with his fists, but Orochimaru countered it. "Wrong answer."

For hours, they fought, but as Jiraiya held his injured arm while kneeling on the ground panting, he said, "I never understood why you chased after this ambition, but you need to stay here!"  
"There's nothing here for me and everyone keeps their distance from me anyway. Give me a better reason than that!"

But as Orochimaru punched him in the stomach while the sky began to change color. Jiraiya fell over and he caught him with one arm. He whispered playfully into his ear, "Your indecision always did hurt me. And now that you've said nothing, that's also a response. Your true one, is it?"

He sighed while laughing to himself while he nodded forward with his hair covering most of his pale face. "My only reason for staying was decided just now. There is nothing but darkness to hold onto because it's the only thing that willingly embraces me."

Brushing his lips against his ear, he said, "Goodbye, Jiraiya."

Thud.

He walked away and Jiraiya watched that familiar figure casually slip away. Yes, it was easier to pursue women because he couldn't look at any other man…  
That's why he couldn't say anything. For him, his feelings were so deeply planted within him that he couldn't really bring them out without sound so dumb. So, it became his undoing. At seeing this, he was sure of what he wasn't before.

Orochimaru ruined him in a way, making a deep scar for him to always remember their time together…

_/"I haven't seen you before! Do you want to go on a date?" A chibi Jiraiya pulled on a gentle hand whose owner wore a soft-colored lavender yukata.  
The person turned around and blinked at him indignantly. "What are you doing?!"  
"You're a really cute girl and I want to go out with you. Please!"_

_At that moment, the child with long black hair hit his head and calmly said with a pout, "Baka. I'm a boy."  
"What?! You're joking! I can tell a boy and a girl out! I have good taste."  
"You do have good taste, but I'm a boy!" The young Orochimaru pulled his hand forward to his chest, the skin over his heart._

_Jiraiya could feel it over the thin yukata and couldn't help but blush at this strange experience._

_Then, Orochimaru threw the hand away and walked towards their first day in the academy with a smirk on his face. Jiraiya had seen it and felt his small cheeks turn red._

_But how could he have made such a dumb mistake?!_

_Looking at the person in front of him, he somehow knew how, but couldn't understand why until years later./_

There were no leaves left when Orochimaru disappeared.  
Now, there was nothing left to hold onto.

The seasons changed, never to return to what was once had.

As he laid on the ground, he couldn't help but wonder about everything, especially the recollections within the archive of his memories. "The only thing I really wanted was for us to stay together. Was that such a childish wish to chase?"

When he turned to his back, he saw the group of clouds that came overhead. It began to sprinkle on his distressed face. He thanked the gods so that he wouldn't have to explain why he directly disobeyed the ninja rule of never showing your feelings.

So, for this same reason…  
As he cried until his heart's content, he cursed them too.

Not strong enough to give,  
Yet not tough enough to take them either…

**Owari. / The End.******

**author's note: **This fic is dedicated to my best friend Niko. She'd asked for this several weeks ago and I finally conceptualized the crack pairing in my mind to finally write about it. I guess I had no idea how to approach this pairing until those Japanese fanarts (that are nosebleed yaoi fangirl beauties!) and did I have to do it in a funny or serious way? I'm so used to angst that I said, it's hard enough for me to do the pairing, so at least one element should be to my advantage. * lol * Considering I usually just do Itachi x Sasuke fics for Naruto…

Well, I hoped you liked reading it anyway. ^_^

Love,  
Yui

**Tuesday, August 02, 2005  
3:27:28 AM**


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